Journalling through role play

It was there, in the courtyard, where she usually found herself. Tonight was no exception as she carried the basket of herbs and found a place to settle. A small bit of cool crisp grass within the garden. A place of sanctuary to be found in the harsh realities of life in Kar. How odd it was, that this quiet little slice of comfort was smack dab in the middle of a complex of killers.


Setting the basket down within her lap as she settled informally on the ground, she closed her eyes and began working with the two new herbs. Splitting them ff by touch and smell. Closing her eyes as she worked and pondered what kind of slave she was in this new sense of life. She'd known many different facets of her slavery through out her life and usually was able to adapt various bits and pieces of them in order to conform to each others individual needs and wants.


As she shifted through the herbs and sorted them, she too sorted through her thoughts, she wasn't a stable slave, or at least hadn't been sent to the stables for something yet. Considering that a lucky thing she nodded having not been huge on the whole care of animals thing. Also not necessarily a kettle girl, though she did enjoy learning a little about the cooking and trying to help with that. "perhaps I am a house slave?" she murmured, setting some thyme to the right of the basket. Indeed, house slaves were often kept safe from the happenings outside and it was a decent position to have earned and be in with the abrupt change of her collar.


Shifting slightly, her thoughts traveled to sex or well just the release more so. As a spring of mint was placed to the opposite of the thyme and she picked up some more herbs to sort she thought on this some more. Life had made somewhat of a 360 in the last three years and her state was something akin to her time in the slavers house. Release was now found in the act of being within a controlled environment and that wasn't a bad thing. Separating more of the herbs, lifting a hand and scratching at her nose and thought more over, about her specific position. In her time here, with the other, she'd seen so many seem to come and go, at least two, maybe three. They had apparently spoken of how impossible the Master was to please. The task didn't seem so impossible, but those girls sought his collar explicitly and LiLi knew that life didn't work when the slave sought out anything, yet she was beginning to yearn the mattering to someone. Reflecting inwardly though, she didn't think it necessarily meant the Master Assassin. Perhaps when he found she was acceptable and someone came aboard, in time she would be given to someone. It perhaps wasn't pleasing, but she let herself reflect yet more. "Maybe in a year?" she mused, as it had taken a year of training for her to be ready at the slavers house. She'd been re-collared perhaps a month ago, that left nearly most of the year left. Time would tell and in that time she would continue to heal she supposed, because the echo left still ached and she was left to wonder, with questions she was to afraid to voice.


Finishing the herbs, she lifted from the ground and pushed those reflections away. Traveling back into the warehouse, back down into the complexes depths and through the hall. She placed the basket of fresh herbs on the counter top for Mary to inspect. Turning she mad her way to the slave kennels and hummed quietly. When let within the particular kennel she slept in, she settled in the corner and light an oil lamp she'd earned from the cook for her help in scrubbing the kitchen. Setting it to the side, letting it's glow illuminate a not to dark room, she looked into the piece of looking glass she kept in the bath and cosmetics box. Lifting it so she could look clearly at her face, letting that light from the flame illuminate everything in a slight honeyed glow, she stared for several moments before murmuring to herself. "I see a kajira, with red hair and green eyes. Skin, smooth as silk and alive, full of vibrancy." Pausing, letting her eyes travel over the reflection and back up "I am a good girl, I am not a throw away." That one touched a little to hard, to lighten the mood and keep on track with the repeat lesson she knew well, she kept things light and continued. "I see a slave who .... No, I am a slave, who gives whole heartedly and tries hard to be pleasing."


and there it was.... a profound moment. It mattered not, what had happened to or with Niles, it mattered not that she feared and didn't understand Ezekiel and it never mattered what she wanted. She was truly a slave, she gave with her heart and her goal was usually to be pleasing. or in the very least, not to be malicious of intent. "I will let myself start to feel like a human being again" she murmured quietly at her reflection. It didn't mean she expected anything, or even wanted anything, but she knew she couldn't remain in this suspended state of existing only and in this feeling, she would breathe, she would be beautiful and she would live, which meant she would be more pleasing.